


Contraband

by Darkfrog24 (Ithil), Ithil



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Candy, Comedy, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29457384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithil/pseuds/Darkfrog24, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithil/pseuds/Ithil
Summary: Rule of Aquisition #34: War is good for business!  The Klingon attack on Cardassia may have ended more than seventy years of peace with the Federation, but it opened up new business opportunities for a man of enterprise.
Relationships: Brothers - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Contraband

"What are these, Brother?"

"Get your mitts out of the supply drawer, Rom," snapped Quark.

"Oh come on, Brother," said Rom, leaning his cupped hands onto the counter. "I'm very happy in engineering, but sometimes I do miss hearing about your schemes."

Quark tipped his head just a millimeter to the side, tucking his shoulders in just a hint of a preen. "Well if you _must_ know, these," he reached into the drawer and pulled out one palm-sized glow-orange package, "are called _Reece's Peanut Butter Cups_." He let it fall back in with a hiss of cellophane. "These are called Twix," he picked up a brown-gold package. "M&Ms. Almond Joy. Jolly Ranchers... All vintage Earth sweets, not a one of them replicated."

Rom wrinkled his nose and took a closer look. "You'd think the hoo-mons would get enough refined sugar with all the root beer they drink."

"Tell me about it, but this little stash here isn't for them. Why, if Captain Sisko or Chief O'Brien happens to feel a hankering for anything sweeter than fresh milah, all they have to do is write home. This..." Quark leaned in conspiratorially "...is for the Klingons."

"The Klingons?" piped Rom.

"Shhhhh," Quark waved both hands. "By invading Cardassia, the Klingon Empire just ended nearly eighty years of peaceful diplomatic relations with the Federation. Diplomatic _and_ trade relations."

"So..." Rom's eyes shot up and to the left. "You... want to establish a black market trade route for Earth-manufactured candy?"

"Why not? I'm a resourceful man. We got our tulaberry wine franchise past the Dominion blockade of Lingas Mar, didn't we?"

"But Brother, do Klingons eat—" he blinked at the reflective logo "—whatever this is?"

"Of course! Our Commander Boring may have never gone further than prune juice, but it seems that's an upperclass pretension. Show a package of this stuff to a bunch of farmers from the Ketha lowlands and they practically whip out the koloths and duel each other over—" he looked at the package "—'Coco Puffs.'" Quark frowned. "There has to be a shorter way to say that."

"Better be careful Constable Odo doesn't catch you with these, Brother. He'd confiscate the lot of it quicker than a tube grub down a gullet!"

"That's why I've found the perfect hiding place. Most of the lot is stashed there already. This is just the extras that didn't fit."

"Ooh! Tell me where!"

"Oh no, Rom. If I tell you, you'll tell Leeta, and then she'll tell Mari and Mari will tell Major Kira and the next thing I know—"

"But I promise I won't!"

"I said no. Now scurry along. Don't you have a sewage overflow pipe to fix?"

"Well all right, Brother. You are the one taking all the risk. As long as it's not behind the loose wall panel next to the plasma conduit."

Quark blinked and recovered with a huff. "As if I'd hide my contraband anywhere so obvious—"

"No I mean because it's got an insulation leak," said Rom. He picked up a peanut butter cup and fingered the contents. "It's nothing dangerous, but it does get pretty warm in there. And this stuff feels like it would—"

Quark pushed away from the bar and hurried across the room, muttering "oh no no no no no..."

He pried the panel away from the wall and a sickly sweet aroma filled the bar. "Two whole bars of latinum..." His shoulders sank.

"—melt," finished Rom.

Quark took a breath. "Haven't I overheard the hoomons talking about a drink called hot—"

"Yes! Chief O'Brien said little Molly likes hot chocolate. But... They, uh, don't mix it with peanut butter, Brother."

Quark thudded his head against the panel.

**Author's Note:**

> .  
> .
> 
> So during the pandemic I fell asleep watching Deep Space Nine and dreamed Worf had a drawer full of store counter candy ready to smuggle into the Klingon Empire. I write more in character when I'm awake.


End file.
